Polska Part 2 - The Preparation

We had been in Poland about 3 days, but had barely begun to experience it. We'd still been surrounded by Americans. So when we got on the 4-hour bus ride from the h2o training facility to the church we would be serving at in Piotrków, we still had no idea what we were in for.

For me, the first real taste of being in a foreign country actually hit me when we took a pit stop at McDonald's. The menu was in Polish, everyone was speaking Polish, and everyone was staring at our group of loud Americans. By this point, I was feeling a lot of anxiety about teaching and the language barrier, having no idea what level the kids would be at or if I'd be competent enough to teach them anything. But I tried to push past it and just remember that if we're having fun, they'll have fun. 

After we got settled into our hotel, we met the assistant pastor, Mark, and his family. Mark and his wife Naomi were originally from the US, but have been serving in Poland for over 23 years. Their youngest daughters, Lydia and Jessica, were both born in Poland. The family took our team out to pizza about a block from our hotel. The pizza was MASSIVE. I admired it from a distance and had some very tasty baked chicken. It was a great time of everyone getting to know each other.

The following day, we set out on the first walk that we would come to know and love in the coming week, the walk to the church. The church itself was not what I had expected in a lot of ways. The ground floor was largely unfinished, but it had 3 more floors above ground for extra housing. The main part of the church where the operation mostly takes place is in the basement, with seemingly endless halls and extra rooms every way you turn.

    

There was a lot of cleaning up that needed to be done to prepare for the arrival of the campers, mainly on the ground floor. I actually kind of love that kind of work, especially with a group of other enthusiastic people. We made really good progress!

   

That afternoon, our team split up into groups to go to various Polish team members' homes for dinner to strengthen the connection between the teams and to really get to know Polish culture. Peggy, Alva, Tracie, and I went to Mark and Naomi's. They have a beautiful home, delicious food, and hanging out with the girls was a blast!

That evening, a group of us got to go watch Lydia run in a half marathon in Old Town Piotrków. And she finished! Yay!!! Before the race, there were these historical reenactment people doing medieval fighting, and several of us got to use a mace! It was great being in the middle of this big town event, and it was the first time I really started to feel connected with the city. I also got to use a few Polish phrases I'd picked up! (Mainly przepraszam - sorry :P )

  

 

The following day was described in my journal as "STRESS but also AMAAAAAZE!!!" The morning was spent in the first formal meeting between the American and Polish teams, and there were a lot of things we still had to plan and coordinate and not a lot of time until the campers would arrive. But, somehow, through the din of different voices and ideas being tossed back and forth, we managed to get a road map of what the camp was going to look like.

That was the stress part, and with that over, came all the amaze.

Lydia, and Pastor Daniel's daughter, Marta invited me to play my mandolin with them for their church's worship service, and we got to practice after the meeting. It already sounded great, and it was beyond cool to be able to play along with them singing in Polish.

Our team once again split up to go to various Polish homes for dinner. Tracie, Ron, Nancy, and I went to Pastor Daniel's home. We were able to catch the last few minutes of a very important Polish football match, and they won! Yay!!! His wife, Anja, made an absolutely delicious meal, and we learned a new card game called Dobble with Marta and Łukasz, which I was not terribly good at, but it was buckets of fun. Lovely doesn't even begin to describe their home, their food, and all their hearts. 

  

I was still pretty anxious about what the next day would hold when we'd finally meet the campers, but after that day I felt more and more excited.

Polska Part 1 - The Training

From June 20th to July 16th, 2016, I had the opportunity to join with a team from my church to go serve as a teacher for a youth English camp in Piotrków Trybunalski, Poland. Going into it, I had no idea what I was getting myself into and just how much the experience,  and especially the people, would change my life.

I'm still just starting to process everything, and I'm hoping this series of blogs will help me do that. Plus, I get to share what happened with all of my incredible support team back on the US. Without you guys, your financial, emotional, and prayer support, there's no way I would have been able to do this. So, from the depths of my heart, thank you.

Now we get to the fun part ^_^

We met at the church at 4am to ride the church van over to LAX where we would board the first of 3 planes. Several of us didn't sleep the night before in the hopes that we would be sufficiently exhausted enough to get a little sleep on the plane from Boston to Munich, and that our body clocks would then be confused enough to adjust quickly to being 9 hours ahead in Poland. It actually seemed to work pretty well!

 

One of the younger girls had issues with a head/toothache, but handled it like a pro and powered through. Other than that, our looooong travel day went very smooth. It was also interesting to see how quick and easy it is to get through customs in every other place but LAX...

5 hours from LA to Boston, 7 hours from Boston to Munich, and another hour from Munich to Wrocław, and we were finally in Poland!!! Aaaaaaand had another 3 hour bus ride to the h2o training facility.

After travelling for approximately 29 hours straight, we arrived bedraggled and exhausted. The Josiah Venture interns were there to enthusiastically welcome us, get us settled in for the next couple days, feed us real food, and prepare us for the week ahead.

 

Once we'd all eaten, we perked up and decided to explore the facility - a gorgeous fairytale forest land of magic and wonder. Plus, the sun doesn't set until around 9:30pm in the summer.

The next day was significantly less crazy than the travel days, and I actually managed to get a decent amount of sleep that first night. The day was filled with training - how to present the gospel, how to run the English camp, how to teach the English lessons, and more about Polish culture. Apparently a lot of my mannerisms are very Polish. For instance, they generally have to be asked several times to join in an activity before they'll say yes, even if they really want to. Also, if you ask them a question that requires more than a simple yes or no answer, they usually need time to process and actually figure out their thoughts. If you promise something to a Pole, they will take it very seriously and will expect you to follow through.

During the culture presentation, they showed a video about Auschwitz. It's always hard to watch anything about the holocaust, and the weight of it started to sink in in a different way than it had before now that we were actually in the country where it happened. But, this video also showed the prisoners who stubbornly clung to their humanity by creating art and showing love in spite of everything. The whole thing put everything in perspective, and reminded us that Poles are so much stronger than they often get credit for. Their joy and human spirit would go on to amaze me in the coming weeks in ways I couldn't have imagined.  

There were also team-building exercises where we had to name and use each other's strengths. Our team: an older couple, a former teacher/missionary, an actress, a costumer, a computer science student, a mom and dad, a 13-going-on-30-year-old, a 10-year-old, and me - an English major working at Disneyland who has no idea what she's doing with her life. No one would have put that team together and expected it to accomplish anything worthwhile. But God did.

During free time, Alva, Sammie, and I walked along the river behind the camp, braving the hoards of bugs for the sake of the abundance of green gorgeousness. Alva and I got delicious ice creams and bonded by the lake. 

Dinner was followed by a mock Evening Program like the ones we would be expected to present at the camps. I was incredibly nervous about that part, because I'd committed to giving the evening talk the second night even though public speaking is only just above sticking my head into a fire anthill on my list of things I like to do. More on how that turned out in subsequent blogs. 

There was a concert of cover songs put on by the Exit team, but we were all too worn out and I had to write the correspondence letter back to the church. When I finished, I went out to find the other girls, and they were all playing basketball. I don't sports, so I awkwardly played my mandolin for background music and it was a really lovely time. 

The next day there were a couple more talks and a big commissioning of all the teams who would be going out to various cities in Poland to conduct their English camps. The commissioning was really powerful to be a part of. You could really feel the passion and power in the room, and everyone was so excited to see what God was going to do through all of us. It was also very humbling to have people you barely knew lay their hands on you and pray over you.

After we packed we had some time just waiting around before our bus to Piotrkow. Alva and I found an old bicycle. It had a very tall seat, and luckily, I am very tall, so I rode around on it for a bit. We had more girl bonding time with Tracie as well, and it was just a really great time where we were all able to encourage each other, reassuring one another that though we've each been through a lot of pain and hurt, God can use those things to help us connect, love, and heal the little corners of the world we occupy. 

Tired, but so excited and encouraged, we pressed onward to Piotrkow, having no idea what challenges, but also what great rewards lay ahead.

The New Year

2015 was quite the year. Instead of my usual end-of-year summary blog post, I wrote a poem. Hope you enjoy :)

The New Year

A white canvass, a blank page, a fresh start;

That’s what they told you.

The promises of the New Year.

No one mentioned this shattered heart,

This waiting for follow-through,

These doubts whispered in your ear.

The pressure’s on to make this year’s art

Something fresh, something new,

So you hide your old pieces out of fear.

None of these fragments make sense,

So resolve for something better –

An ideal you’ll abandon within weeks

Because it’s hard to whitewash a black fence.

You tighten your own fetter

Keeping tongues comfortably in cheeks.

But inside builds bitterness from no recompense.

Your eyes are just getting wetter.

Where is this resolution everyone seeks?

You lay in the wreck of what you’ve been,

Wide awake while the word lies asleep,

Feeling the weight of every mistake,

Every sorrow, every wound, every sin.

Dark colors and ragged edges you’re forced to keep,

Expected to forget how much they ache.

The blood is on your hands before you begin

And onto your canvass it will creep,

But this stain is the first step you must take.

Mosaics are made from shards

And quilts from patches

The New Year is not empty, but filled

With plaster, paint, and thread by the yards

To close up all last year’s gashes.

Don’t waste the past. Be thrilled

That your art is unfinished, by far.

Beauty still rises from ashes,

If we have the courage to build. 

Defining Success

I've been in a bit of a rut lately. My Disney College Program is over, I graduated college a year ago, and now I'm working two jobs and barely making rent, and basically have no idea what the beans I'm doing with my life. I thought I would have it figured out by now. I thought that I was going to come out to California, magically become awesome at adulting, and know exactly what I wanted to do and how to do it. But instead, I'm more confused than ever.

It's been really frustrating, honestly. I've reached the age where a lot of my peers are starting professional internships, gaining real-world experience, starting careers, getting married, and starting families. I look at their lives and then look at mine and wonder, what am I doing wrong? Why doesn't my life look like that? What am I doing with myself? Am I failing at life? They're all so successful.

But let's take a step back for a second - what does "successful" even mean?

Success
[suh k-ses]

noun
1. the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors; the accomplishment of one's goals.

2. the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.

3. a performance or achievement that is marked by success, as measured by the attainment of goals, wealth, etc.

Thanks, Dictionary. Still vague.

So, it would appear that success all boils down to achieving goals and getting money. Wow. Sounds super fulfilling in the long run. Obviously, there's a lot more to it than that. For instance, if success is measured monetarily, what's the magic number where you can sit back and say, "That's it. This is enough. I have achieved success"? Or if you measure it in goals. Do you stop after one goal? A hundred? What constitutes a goal, anyway? Does it make me successful to achieve my goal of eating an entire pint of ice cream by myself at 3 am?

Is success even attainable at all?

Truth is, I don't know. But maybe that's okay. The great thing about the idea of Success being so vague is that it gives you the power to define it. Sure, I may not have tons of money, but I'm doing things, making things, pushing myself, and interacting with the world.

I mean, if I really look at things - I moved out to California on my own, I teach voice, acting, and dancing to children, I'm a performer for one of the most iconic companies in the WORLD, I'm finally at a healthy weight, I'm in the best physical shape that I've been in since before my auto-immune diseases, I'm making friends and building community, and I keep pushing myself to go to auditions and send out resumes and figure out what my place in the world is supposed to be. I'd say I'm doing pretty okay.

And as far as my career goes, I never was one of those people who wanted the desk job with the house, kids, minivan, and shi-tzu in the suburbs. I wanted adventure in the great wide somewhere, and that's what I'm getting. It's a lot harder and scarier than I thought it would be, but I want to believe it's worth it. I don't care if I'm never rich as long as I have a rich life. Also, I'm 23. It's okay if my job doesn't have anything to do with my major right now. As long as I can find a way to do the things I love while supporting myself, I'd say I'm doing just fine. I'd probably explode from sheer boredom if I were stuck doing the same thing my entire adult life anyway.

More importantly, why does success have to be based on what you do? If success is purely quantitative, then what's to stop us all from crawling all over each other to fight our way to the top of the heap?

Almost a month ago, my grandmother passed away. She was almost 91 and had been deteriorating for about a year and a half, so of course we all knew she couldn't be around forever. Still, when she did pass, we were broken. I felt lost, knowing that my world would truly never be the same without her in it. In the days that passed, we remembered her and the beautiful impact she had in the corner of the world she occupied. Everyone remembered her for all the little ways she was constantly touching people's lives. She was a quiet servant, a problem-solver, a nurturer of life, and a fierce prayer warrior. You always knew you could come to her with anything and she would never judge you, but do whatever she could to help you. She drew joy from nourishing the body and the soul. That is why she is missed so sorely by those who loved her. It wasn't that she had an amazing career (although she did), it wasn't that she had an immaculate house and gardens (although they were always inviting), it wasn't that she had a rich husband and perfect children, but it was who she was that was so, so important.

So, more than a career, more than wealth, more than fame, more than achievements and goals and everything else, I want to be successful the way Grandma Theresa was. Believe me, those are massive shoes to fill. In her unobtrusive, subtly sassy Irish way, she made every piece of this world that she touched better for it. I want my funeral to be like hers was - a true celebration of a beautifully successful life.

Love you forever; see you soon, Grandma Theresa.

A Tribute to 2014

Oh wow. Guess it's already time for one of these again.

How about a photo montage of some eventful happenings? That sounds good. I like photo montages.

I died in my brother's arms this year! :D

Jk. We did a concert version of Les Miserables at the Tearoom in February. It was glorious. Singing amazing music with my family is one of my absolute favorite things to do.

I also had a pretty rad wedding! Complete with bottle dancers :D

Being in Fiddler on the Roof was such a wonderful experience. The director wanted everything to be as authentic as possible, so we were always learning new things about Jewish tradition and history, down to the minutest details. Even if the audience didn't catch the way married women tied their headscarves differently, we knew. I think it was all those little things that made our show so spectacular. Fiddler already held a special place in my heart after playing flute for it in the pit two years earlier, but there really is nothing like stepping into the heads of the characters and making yourself feel what they were going through, and doing that along with the rest of your cast. One thing I really appreciated was that even the small parts got a name and a purpose within the village, again, even if the audience never knew. We really did feel like one big family, and I miss all of them so terribly, and I wouldn't trade my experience with that show for anything. It was the best show I could have possibly gone out on.

My Grandma celebrated her 90th birthday! And she's still lookin' fab ;)
Along with my Grandma turning 90, she started having major health and mobility issues, so my amazing mother moved in with her to be her caretaker. It was a big change for us, but we made it work, and still made plenty of family time.

 

My very first Ballroom Dance recital!

I graduated from college and this fine fellow graduated from high school. If you'd like to know my more in-depth thoughts on the subject, please refer to The One About Graduating.

After working at the St. James Tearoom for 4 years, I finally got certified as a Tea Master! For those who don't know, that entails brewing the manager-approved "perfect pot" of each of our 52 teas, manning the tea station for a slow seating and a busy seating, taking a tea knowledge test, and giving a 10-minute TEA-ching presentation. Get it? Ha! Ha! Ha...yeah, we love our tea puns...

I was in a band! Good Old Shoulder. Check it out! (it's a video)

My beautiful and incredible friend Hannah got married! She is one of the strongest, bravest, and most loving people I have ever known.

I have THE BEST friends...

and THE BEST family, who all gave me THE BEST sendoff I could have ever asked for.

The past four months of this year have consisted of me moving out to California and participating in the Disney College Program. You can read all about it on my other blog, disnerdadventure.blogspot.com

In short, the time I've spent here has been incredible, and I've grown in so many ways, and I'm so excited to continue my career and my life here at Disney.

My first day of orientation for the Disney College Program

My wonderful, beautiful roommates.

Singing in the mass choir on Main St. USA for the Candlelight ceremony. Incredible.

Our End-of-Program Celebration

I can't believe how quickly this year went by. There was just so much life packed into it that I guess I feel like I never really got a chance to take everything in. So many huge changes have happened, good and not-so-good. I've had a lot of goodbyes - some of them forever. There have been moments where I felt entirely powerless to help the people I love most, and the only thing I could do was trust that things would turn out okay, even when I couldn't see it. I'm entering an entirely new chapter of my life called adulthood, and it's  totally awesome and completely terrifying. It's been an overwhelming year, to say the least. But you know what? I've come out of all of it okay. More than okay. I've come out stronger.

I have no idea what this next year holds, but if I can get through this past year, I can get through anything. But, another thing this year has taught me is that my strength cannot come from me alone. I need people. And I have realized this year more than ever before what a truly amazing support system I have, both in New Mexico and out here. All the times I've tried to shoulder my burdens on my own, it's turned out disastrous. When I try to sort things out on my own, I internalize everything and only end up hurting myself. That's when my friends and family come alongside me and remind me that no one is alone, and that change, grief, anger, uncertainty, concern, and fear are easier to carry and overcome when someone is there to help you through it. I want to extend my sincerest thanks to each and every brilliant person who has shared this year with me, and I hope to share so many more memories with all of you. I want to laugh, cry, scream, and share those beautifully indescribable moments of silence. I want to have life, and have it abundantly.

So, thanks, 2014, for all you taught me, and here's to a fantastically terrifying and wonderful 2015. See you on the other side.